This Old House

As a woman, sometimes we get into a relationship and the demon "sloth" makes us hold onto that person like Rose hung onto that plank on titanic. The ship done sank, niggaz is dying all around you, the water cold as shit, but youre there holding onto that raft (the remnant of that weak ass boat) until the lifeboat "common sense" comes rowing through and saves your dumb ass.

Sloth is a killer. It keeps you in a situation that you should have been moved on from.

The blog post is titled "this old house" because sometimes a relationship hits this weird phase where you all have had fight #316, neither of y'all are sure of each other, the level of hurtfulness and cheating (if applicable) has escalated and yet like an old house you've broken in, you refuse to leave it. I don't intend to write about how to get over this, I would rather dig into what this "old house" is. If you don't understand this phase then you can't get over it.

Ways to tell:

Youve been with them for years and still dont know if theyre the one
Youve been with them for years and youre still unsatisfied (emotionally, spiritually, romantically, intellectually)
Youve been with them for years and your relationship is regressing
Youve been with them for years and they couldnt give two fucks about your feelings
You've been with them for years and he/she is still an asshole

If you have been with a partner for over 2 years and you know that the person has traits and tendencies that you couldnt possibly live with for the rest of life then you're in an "old house". Floor boards missing, roof leaking, boiler broken, rat infested, foundation crumbling. But the thought of house hunting and going back to square one is so frightening that you stay in a situationship that is only fit for demolition.

Its a space where self love and self hate are divided by a thin line. Youve worked hard on that house and you want to work on it and build...but there is literally nothing to build with. NOTHING in that bitch is salvageable.

Do yourself a favor: Pour some kerosene. Light a match. Walk the fuck away.

Fate and why you shouldn't fucking run from it

Sometimes....sometimes...you dont need tea leaves or psychics to know that a relationship is over. Sometimes the shit is so fucking obvious that we have to allow our minds to be mentally dextrous enough to understand that he can like you, want to sleep with you, want you around, and still not want to make you a wife. Just like you can love that racist older uncle but know you would never invite him to the office party....same kinda logic. You have your charm. Youre cute...but...he's not going to bring you to the alter.

Just like someone can want a burrito at Chipotle but since McDonalds is closer they get some dollar fries. Someone can want to be with someone else but since your closer theyll take it. People can like you and get complacent and know full well that they are wasting your time. Why? because its convenient. Convenience and familiarity.

Its heartbreaking.

Whats worse than that heartbreak however, is the self-loathing that would allow someone to stay in a poisonous relationship once its clear that its over. Its self hate to continue to starve yourself of a true emotional, spiritual connection for the sake of lust or that "in love" feeling.

Better will come. God's got you.

When the Patriarchy Strikes

These simps are running loose nowadays! lawd hammercy. So Father's Day rolls around and a whole heap of ninjas felt the need to "warn" single mothers that Father's Day is only for men and that they shouldn't diminish it by self proclaiming that "they, too, are fathers" so to speak. Well...if the shoe fits, I say wear it! Too many women have to (as in are forced to) be both mom AND dad in their households, and its not fair.

Now, I realize that black folk love to talk about how the WM has systematically tried to tear down the black family, blah blah blah. But where is the accountability for the men? 70% of black children grow up in fatherless homes, and all these negroes aren't in jail; they're either commitment-phobes or life long hoes. In 2015 ain't no white man is coming through a negroes bedroom window at night and whispering in his ear "be a deadbeat father"..."be a baby momma factory"..."spread STDs to your women"..."don't go to college/get a trade so that you're a fucking asset in a relationship instead of liability"...I can go on. There is no psychological warfare that some outsider is perpetuating. We can blame media, but where are the black men to counteract that? We can blame rap, but again where are the black men to counteract that? When do you stop saying "they did" and start saying "we will"?

Men now a days treat Queens and Thots the same damn way. With a Queen, she'll be fed the bullshit until the ass-clown cant keep up the front anymore. The sad and disgusting part is that once the court jester unmasks himself - he doesn't get admonished by society. Nope! It's always the woman's fault. See black women are supposed to be psychic. We have the ability to peer into people's souls to know in advance the nonsense they're capable of. So if he says hes committed, treats you like a wife, you're expecting a ring and then some crazy shit happens - you cant blame anyone but yourself because you should have known. Bitch, HOW?!! How the fuck are we supposed to know? Husbands have left wives, boyfriends have left girlfriends when they've needed them the most...how were these women to know what these men were capable of?

There's no "other" making black men and black women enemies. We don't have enough men setting examples anymore. We don't have enough live-in fathers/husbands setting examples anymore. I shudder to think about what future generations will have to go through. We are lost because the patriarchy thoroughly pushes the blame on females. We are lost because the patriarchy lacks the ability to introspect. We are lost because we have whole heaps of women who support patriarchy.

When a man renders a woman a single mother, she (note I didn't say he) gets told "did he tell you he was ready for a family"?...Bitch, was she?

When a man leaves his girlfriend of 8 years just cause, she gets asked "how could you not  have known he wasn't serious about you?" or told "I would have never stayed with someone that long" blah blah blah. Bitch, do you know what was the understanding between the two of them? 9 times out of 10, someone was being unwittingly strung along.

When a man leaves his wife and 2 kids and moves in with his girlfriend, instead of working on his marriage, she gets asked "how come you didn't make it work?" or "what did you do to push him  away?". Bitch, he's a grown ass clown, go ask him why he decided to be a cowardly piece of shit.

If our community ever wants to restore itself, we have got to stop making excuses for the patriarchy. We gotta stop letting men get away with disastrous activities without accountability. If he's  THOT, there is no "well that's what men do"... or "the flesh is weak" nonsense. He's a THOT and should wear the badge just the same as a woman does if she is of questionable character. Etc.If hes a deadbeat father, niggaz shouldnt be giving that mofo daps in the street, his mother shouldnt be cooking him a warm meal. The whole community has to hold these men accountable.

But Men will never holw other men accountable. Why not? Because glass houses. Why would a cheater call out another cheater when they dont want their shit in the street either.

MLK said the black women is the most unloved underprotected woman on earth and in my opinion its #Facts.