This Old House

As a woman, sometimes we get into a relationship and the demon "sloth" makes us hold onto that person like Rose hung onto that plank on titanic. The ship done sank, niggaz is dying all around you, the water cold as shit, but youre there holding onto that raft (the remnant of that weak ass boat) until the lifeboat "common sense" comes rowing through and saves your dumb ass.

Sloth is a killer. It keeps you in a situation that you should have been moved on from.

The blog post is titled "this old house" because sometimes a relationship hits this weird phase where you all have had fight #316, neither of y'all are sure of each other, the level of hurtfulness and cheating (if applicable) has escalated and yet like an old house you've broken in, you refuse to leave it. I don't intend to write about how to get over this, I would rather dig into what this "old house" is. If you don't understand this phase then you can't get over it.

Ways to tell:

Youve been with them for years and still dont know if theyre the one
Youve been with them for years and youre still unsatisfied (emotionally, spiritually, romantically, intellectually)
Youve been with them for years and your relationship is regressing
Youve been with them for years and they couldnt give two fucks about your feelings
You've been with them for years and he/she is still an asshole

If you have been with a partner for over 2 years and you know that the person has traits and tendencies that you couldnt possibly live with for the rest of life then you're in an "old house". Floor boards missing, roof leaking, boiler broken, rat infested, foundation crumbling. But the thought of house hunting and going back to square one is so frightening that you stay in a situationship that is only fit for demolition.

Its a space where self love and self hate are divided by a thin line. Youve worked hard on that house and you want to work on it and build...but there is literally nothing to build with. NOTHING in that bitch is salvageable.

Do yourself a favor: Pour some kerosene. Light a match. Walk the fuck away.

Fate and why you shouldn't fucking run from it

Sometimes....sometimes...you dont need tea leaves or psychics to know that a relationship is over. Sometimes the shit is so fucking obvious that we have to allow our minds to be mentally dextrous enough to understand that he can like you, want to sleep with you, want you around, and still not want to make you a wife. Just like you can love that racist older uncle but know you would never invite him to the office party....same kinda logic. You have your charm. Youre cute...but...he's not going to bring you to the alter.

Just like someone can want a burrito at Chipotle but since McDonalds is closer they get some dollar fries. Someone can want to be with someone else but since your closer theyll take it. People can like you and get complacent and know full well that they are wasting your time. Why? because its convenient. Convenience and familiarity.

Its heartbreaking.

Whats worse than that heartbreak however, is the self-loathing that would allow someone to stay in a poisonous relationship once its clear that its over. Its self hate to continue to starve yourself of a true emotional, spiritual connection for the sake of lust or that "in love" feeling.

Better will come. God's got you.