When the Patriarchy Strikes

These simps are running loose nowadays! lawd hammercy. So Father's Day rolls around and a whole heap of ninjas felt the need to "warn" single mothers that Father's Day is only for men and that they shouldn't diminish it by self proclaiming that "they, too, are fathers" so to speak. Well...if the shoe fits, I say wear it! Too many women have to (as in are forced to) be both mom AND dad in their households, and its not fair.

Now, I realize that black folk love to talk about how the WM has systematically tried to tear down the black family, blah blah blah. But where is the accountability for the men? 70% of black children grow up in fatherless homes, and all these negroes aren't in jail; they're either commitment-phobes or life long hoes. In 2015 ain't no white man is coming through a negroes bedroom window at night and whispering in his ear "be a deadbeat father"..."be a baby momma factory"..."spread STDs to your women"..."don't go to college/get a trade so that you're a fucking asset in a relationship instead of liability"...I can go on. There is no psychological warfare that some outsider is perpetuating. We can blame media, but where are the black men to counteract that? We can blame rap, but again where are the black men to counteract that? When do you stop saying "they did" and start saying "we will"?

Men now a days treat Queens and Thots the same damn way. With a Queen, she'll be fed the bullshit until the ass-clown cant keep up the front anymore. The sad and disgusting part is that once the court jester unmasks himself - he doesn't get admonished by society. Nope! It's always the woman's fault. See black women are supposed to be psychic. We have the ability to peer into people's souls to know in advance the nonsense they're capable of. So if he says hes committed, treats you like a wife, you're expecting a ring and then some crazy shit happens - you cant blame anyone but yourself because you should have known. Bitch, HOW?!! How the fuck are we supposed to know? Husbands have left wives, boyfriends have left girlfriends when they've needed them the most...how were these women to know what these men were capable of?

There's no "other" making black men and black women enemies. We don't have enough men setting examples anymore. We don't have enough live-in fathers/husbands setting examples anymore. I shudder to think about what future generations will have to go through. We are lost because the patriarchy thoroughly pushes the blame on females. We are lost because the patriarchy lacks the ability to introspect. We are lost because we have whole heaps of women who support patriarchy.

When a man renders a woman a single mother, she (note I didn't say he) gets told "did he tell you he was ready for a family"?...Bitch, was she?

When a man leaves his girlfriend of 8 years just cause, she gets asked "how could you not  have known he wasn't serious about you?" or told "I would have never stayed with someone that long" blah blah blah. Bitch, do you know what was the understanding between the two of them? 9 times out of 10, someone was being unwittingly strung along.

When a man leaves his wife and 2 kids and moves in with his girlfriend, instead of working on his marriage, she gets asked "how come you didn't make it work?" or "what did you do to push him  away?". Bitch, he's a grown ass clown, go ask him why he decided to be a cowardly piece of shit.

If our community ever wants to restore itself, we have got to stop making excuses for the patriarchy. We gotta stop letting men get away with disastrous activities without accountability. If he's  THOT, there is no "well that's what men do"... or "the flesh is weak" nonsense. He's a THOT and should wear the badge just the same as a woman does if she is of questionable character. Etc.If hes a deadbeat father, niggaz shouldnt be giving that mofo daps in the street, his mother shouldnt be cooking him a warm meal. The whole community has to hold these men accountable.

But Men will never holw other men accountable. Why not? Because glass houses. Why would a cheater call out another cheater when they dont want their shit in the street either.

MLK said the black women is the most unloved underprotected woman on earth and in my opinion its #Facts.

Friday Morning Tea

"I heard you got a new man, I see you takin' a pic
Then you post it up, thinkin' that its makin' me sick
I see you calling, I be makin' it quick
Imma answer that shit like: "I don't fuck with you"
Bitch I got no feelings to go
I swear I had it up to here, I got no ceilings to go
I mean for real, fuck how you feel
Fuck your two cents if it ain't goin' towards the bill, yeah
And everyday I wake up celebratin' shit, why?
Cause I just dodged a bullet from a crazy bitch"

You can basically exchange the gender specific words in this passage by Brother Big Sean, and this is practically an ode to the sperm donor. If he's not family or friend, I don't want a Knee-gro to even brush past me on the street.  That's how the fug I feel and I don't care who disagrees. #ThugShrug

Sometimes you just gotta be a Bitch

I remember sitting in my homegirls room hearing her bark at a dude. I remember thinking to myself "well got dayyuummm!...angry much?!" I remember her telling me, Nis, you gotta be like that with them otherwise they'll think they can get away with taking advantage of you.

See I like being the nice girl. I don't really do the whole drama thing, I don't like yelling (although when pushed, I can go there), and I prefer to be having an adventure or smashing as opposed to being in some dumb ass "fight" with my man. My adrenaline rush isn't waiting for the thrill of makeup sex. If a dude messes up, I forgive and hope he sincerely means to do better.

The older I get though, and as much as I hate to admit it. She was right. Being the nice girl, is perfectly fine, but that chick has track marks from Jordans and dress shoes all up and down her back. She's been taken advantage of and lied to more times than she can count.

 I don't know if anyone else is willing to admit this, but sometimes black people are some of the most hypocritical. When you're willing to extend trust and the benefit of the doubt and thing go wrong...well..."you were foolish", " you shouldn't have trusted him", "the bible says trust no man." But when you get your guard up and play defense "you're bitter" "You're an angry black woman" "you're too hard on these guys", "you're standards are too high." So when I was open and trusting I was called stupid, but when I decide to protect my heart...now I come off as "angry" or "bitter:...:insert confused face here:

At the end of the day, we have to be able to trust our partners. WTF is life if you gotta always sleep with one eye open for the one person in the world besides your parents (hopefully) that you ought to be able to trust? How do you walk down the aisle thinking "he's gonna cheat on me" or "he might hit me" or "he may not have 100% of my best interest at heart" and still say those vowels in the sight of God? The bible says trust no man, but he also told men to love their wives like Christ loves the Church. If a man is supposed to love his wife like how Christ loves us then how do we then account for not being able to trust our mates? Where and why is there a logic gap? I need answers!!!

Good girls finish last way more often than good guys. There's just more of us with a smaller selection pool. I don't have the strength to be a bitch all the time. I don't have the discipline to keep him in check all the time - he's a grown ass man who should be able to keep his own self in check. But you know what....sometime you just gotta be a bitch.

Pseudo-Boo

So I went through a really rough relationship and breakup a few years back (circa 2009ish). It was one of those breakups that had me like "wait...what the hell happened" not because I was confused about the circumstances under which it dissolved, but because I didn't understand why or how I got sucked into it in the first place. Anyway, after that experience I didn't want to have anything to do with a relationship for a good long while. My first love was devastating, second love was a "WTF?!" through its totality, and I was exhausted emotionally.

During some of those months, I got to know myself so much better. I worked on my spirit, worked on accepting my flaws and the person that I had become. It was a really enriching experience. I avoided the emotional work as it relates to relationships however. I went through a phase where I wanted a "Pseudo-Boo." Does it sound like I'm talking about Casper?....Good. Cause I am, so to speak.

A Pseudo-Boo is someone that gives you the companionship of a relationship but without the emotional and/or physical commitment and is about as purely honest a relationship between two consensual adults can get in my opinion. Its two people who are both emotionally drained or otherwise unavailable, seeking refuge in each other's company. There is less risk of emotional damage because there are no emotions. You can go out with the person and feel free to text the next dude at the same time. You can cuddle at night while watching a comedy together, and then he wishes you well on your date the next evening.

Being a Pseudo-Boo or having one means knowing whether or not you are willing to potentially go through heartbreak again. If you are not, then finding someone on the same airwave is amazing.  While you're getting the training wheels off again, you have that person cheering you on, going through their own metamorphosis.

Can you remain friends with a Pseudo-Boo once you move on? Depends. I don't personally entertain convos with exes or past partners if I'm in a new relationship but some people are different. At the end of the day, you both experienced a level of vulnerability and honesty that most real relationships never get to - and that can be intimidating to a new partner.