I woke up this morning with a smile on my face. I hopped out of bed. Made myself a bowl of Cap'n Crunch with the Crunch Berries. Popped in a red box movie. Ate my cereal on the couch. Content.
Until...I thought about going to work later on today. I didn't always feel dread when thoughts of my job crossed my mind, but as with most things the honeymoon was over and the underlying bullshit of the company I work for started to surface. SO, when I pull up to my job, turn, down my music, and turn off my ignition, I sit for about 3 minutes in silence then chant my mantras of peace before I go in. But as usual, when I cross that threshold into hell all that shit I just chanted goes out the window and my mood swings into "leave me the fuck alone" mode.
We all had that feeling...that I am way better than this place that I work at feeling, where you feel smarter than your superiors...where you constantly tell yourself that patience is a virtue because your dream job is coming soon. Trapped. You feel trapped and a breakthrough must occur soon because you are two incidents of bullshit away from burning shit down and collecting unemployment. You daydream about all the things you would do on your last day: knock some paperwork off someone's desk, take a 2 hour lunch break, put white out in the coffee creamer, or using all that time you earned to call out for the last week. Bliss, sweet bliss that would accompany that last day.
My Abuela told me that all forms of diplomacy requires hypocrisy. She was not lying with that bit of advice. I just hate the fact that in order for me to succeed within this company I have to throw others to the waste side and work as if I have no regards for others feelings or livelihood. That's not me. I actually have a conscience. *sigh* So a person giving me advice would naturally say, "Well get another job then," but that is easier said than done. Until I figure out where I need to be in my life I shall have to be that hypocrite for the sake of my bills. When in Rome...right?
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I work for Unemployment and if you burn something down we will not give you benefits, it counts as gross misconduct.
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